Grooming

Grooming is another demonstration of my superiority over one and all. I am naturally beautiful and grooming makes me look my best and keeps me clean. I like grooming. I groom my whole body… because I can.



I am more advanced in my grooming than my caretakers, him and her. They are unable to groom themselves. They need to stand under a stream of running water. Pitiful. That is no way to clean yourself. Not to mention being an incredibly environmentally unfriendly way to waste water. I love the environment. Once they forced me to stand under running water, the results were horrible! They know nothing! I was so embarrassed.



I am loathe to admit that I am not the only one with this superior capability. But I am the best! My stupid sister knows how to groom herself. Of course she is not as good at it. She is not as nimble as I am and can not groom everywhere. And then after extensive grooming she will cough up a hairball. My sister is disgusting some times.

Even my sister's boyfriend, the wild cat from next door, knows how to groom himself. But he spends so much time outside that he needs to know! All wild cats are stinky.



I remain superior in grooming technique and cleanliness. Unless, of course, they feed me too much wet food…

FM

Cabin Fever - The Start of Spring

Him and her are still away, and I still have access to the computer.

It is starting to warm up. The cold white stuff is disappearing. I can walk on the ground now. I can sit in puddles. I can sit in the sun. I like going out now.

But when I go out now there are many other wild cats. Not just the wild cat from next door who steals my food, but other wild cats who arrive from everywhere. They come to my back gate, they come to my back door and invade my space. MY space! The wild cat from next door who steals my food did one good thing last week. One good thing! He chased away a strange wild cat from my space. Maybe he thinks that my space is his space! Oh no! At least he got rid of the strange wild cat. Maybe I won't hit him as hard as normal next time he gets close. But I will hit him a second time for thinking that my space is his space!



Also with the warm weather comes smells. Many, many smells. I smell other cats. I smell the wind. I smell things melting. Many things melting. My sister came in the other day full of smells from outside. Other cats and other things. She smelled so strange that I did not realize that it was her. I attacked, of course. I left behind claws, she left behind fur. That will teach her.



With all these smells all I want to smell is my smell. I leave my smell any way that I can. Any place that I can.

FM

Cabin Fever - The End of Winter

Him and her have denied me access to the computer for months. But they are away this weekend.

It has been a long winter. A long cold winter. I want warmth. I want sun. I want out.

I try going out. I stand by the door, they open it, my nose gets cold, I retreat. I eat food to replenish my energy. Again, I stand by the door, again they open it, again my nose gets cold. Obviously I still need more food. I try for a third time and finally my body has stored enough calories that I can go out. But only for a minute, then my paws get cold. I stand pathetically, staring in the door, with one cold paw lifted, until they slowly realize that I want inside. But now the good part, they feed me treats. They are tasty.



After my paws warm up I go out again, wait a few minutes, then return. But they give me no treats this time! Maybe they forgot! So I go out yet again and return. Still no treats! I tire of this foolishness.

I go and find a warm spot and sleep. By myself. All my myself.

FM

Christmas

Christmas. I don't understand Christmas. It is so confusing and contradictory.

First there is this Santa Claws that everyone talks about! Who is this cat and why is he so famous? I hate other cats. My caretakers talk about Santa Claws leaving presents and they are happy. But when I leave presents they are upset. It is not fair. I hate Santa Claws.

Christmas also combines other things that I hate, abandonment and winter. First they abandon me for days, then they return, then they abandon me again, then they return, then it's over. And when they are here they keep letting me out into the cold snow! I think that it is all designed as a form of psychological warfare against me, trying to see if I crack under pressure.



And then there is the tree. It is so pretty and smells good. But they won't let me touch it. I want to play with the bright shiny balls that they hang from it but they won't let me! Why hang play toys in front of me and then stop me from playing with them. Yet another form of Christmas torture! They won't even let me help water the tree!

But there is one thing I like about Christmas. I always get new little toys that smell good and when I lick them I feel happy, oh so happy. Then it wears off…

FM

Winter

Winter. I hate winter. It is so... cold!

Normally I like to go outside. Sometimes I go outside for the freedom. Sometimes I go outside to relieve myself (if I do not feel like relieving myself on a pile of laundry). Sometimes I go outside to defend against the wild cats from next door.

But in winter it is so cold. My fur protects me, but my paws get cold. And it is hard to walk across the white stuff. I keep sinking in and it is difficult. And when I do relieve myself it leaves a bright yellow spot. How embarrassing. Hmmm... maybe I can use this to get more tasty dry bits of food?

But there are also good things about winter. In winter warm air blows from holes in floor. It is nice. In winter he & she put a carpet by the front door to soak up water. It soaks up other things as well. But best of all, I like when the white stuff falls from the sky. It tastes so good!

FM

Hijack

Ha! I have hijacked my sister's blog.

She thinks that I am so dumb just because I fall off things... and trip… and can not calculate PI to 42 decimal places... and other things. I will show her! I saw her type her password into her blog. Now I have access.

She thinks that sitting in a box means something. I invented that. Look at this.



I am the one that discovered boxes. I am the one that discovered water in the sink. I am the one that discovered scratching furniture to get attention. So what does my sister do? She whacks me and chases away my cute boyfriend from next door.

My sister is so depressed that I can not believe it. I wake my caretakers, him & her, up at 5AM by batting their faces. It is fun with the claws out. So much fun! She wakes them by scratching and peeing. How Yuck is that! We have boxes for that, ya know!

Oh NO! She has seen me! Here she comes! . Aarghh. Aarghh.

Hoovie

Abandonment

Him and her (my caretakers) abandoned me.

They abandon me most days. They leave when the sun comes up and return only when the sun goes down. When they are here they sleep most of the time. They do not love me. I live alone. My klutzy sister does not count.

After abandoning me for several cycles they spend more time with me. They call this the “weekend”. I crave the “weekend”.

I was expecting the “weekend” but they deceived me. They left. They abandoned me. They do not love me. Instead of spending time with me they put things in bags and left. I hate it when they put things in bags. I know that they will leave.

On “weekends” I want out early. I want out late. I want attention. But when they abandon me I express my feelings!

FM